-raindrops-

Today was a good day.

My husband, Aaron, was able to come home from the hospital.

He has a history of bowel perforations after having his large intestine removed due to his Ulcerative Colitis, so anytime he has a stomach issue, he ends up in the hospital.

The stress of his health has really worn on me over the years. I joke and tell people I think I have some form of PTSD from all of his health scares. Anytime he has a pain of any sort, I get sick to my stomach. Too many times, I've planned out in my head how I would tell my children their daddy passed away. It's morbid to think about, but it's real. I've almost had to have the talk a few times, and it's scared me to death. My kids are what get me through. I have to put on a brave face foe them, so that gets me through the days. They keep me pretty busy not only physically, but mentally. God knew what he was doing blessing me with each one of them.

This evening it stormed and Lacey begged me to play in the rain. I watched her as she giggled and jumped in the puddles, and turned her face up to the sky to catch the raindrops. It was good for my soul. My kids suck every ounce of energy out of me, and some days I wonder how I pulled through it all, but they replace it with a beauty that's hard to describe unless you are a parent yourself. Sometimes I feel as if my heart could burst with too much love. It makes the exhaustion bearable.

Today was chaotic, but it was beautiful.

xoxo

adult life is HARD

Can I get an AMEN?

Being an adult is hard. DANG hard. 

I spend most of my mornings like this

I am a stay at home mother to my two littles.

Translation-I thrive on coffee.

I love being at home, raising my kids, but it doesn't mean it's easy.

Sometimes I'm jealous of the fact my husband gets to leave all day to go to work.

I crave adult interaction and the thought of being around adults all day sometimes seems, dare I say, heavenly?

But then I have the moments like these

& I thank God that he has provided us the blessing that is letting me stay home with my kids.

When you're daughter hangs her arms around your neck and whispers in your ear

"You're the best mommy in the world."

and your son walks into your arms for the first time

and you actually got to witness it...

all the exhaustion, all the stress, all the chaos,

it just seems to fade

& you breathe in those moments 

& pray they last forever.

Being an adult is hard. There are struggles, and responsibilities, and roadblocks...I know.

Each day it seems as if a new hurdle has to be jumped.

The past few days have been harder than most.

Some nights, after I tuck my kids into bed, I wonder if I was enough.

Was I good enough? Did I yell too much, did I not discipline them enough, did they watch too much TV, did I tell them I loved them enough.

But in this moment, right now, I choose to be thankful.

Thankful for my children, thankful for my husband, thankful for a roof over my head.

I am imperfect, my life is imperfect, but in my flaws I find beauty.

The act of waking up each day to two little ones yelling "Momma!" is beautiful enough for me.